Thursday, 15 July 2010

Self-Revelation #1

So when someone makes a list (as people inevitably do) of the 100 most responsible adults of all time...I do not expect to find my name on it – because yes, I do put knives in toasters and only sometimes do I turn them off first; and sometimes I have a nice glass of something or another on a school night; and yes, it was me that laughed at that kid who fell over and only later did I find out he broke his arm...
But even I would not let people bring weed into class. Let's clarify; here by weed we are not talking about a spot of bindi (the nasty little pricks; not the annoying little cunt); we are not talking noxious plants – we're talking what back in the home country we called Class C drugs.
Does this tell you something about Aotearoa? We're bored. We put our drugs into classes to make them better at what they do. No, really.
But back to the weed. Or not back to it as the case actually is.
I'm driving the car home from a school event. I say “Hehe – my class had a bit of a Wii tournament.” The people in my car gasp. I think “Oh dear, now I've done it. They will think I am an (even more irresponsible) adult than they already think...”
They ask further questions - “Why did you do THAT?” I become a little defensive...”Ummm, I thought it would be amusing...?”
They become outraged; shock and horror reverberate around the inside of the small, confined and rather filthy space that is my vehicle. I begin to feel caged in; like driving into the back of that bus might not be such a crazy idea.
I say, in desperation “But we needed to know who was really better...” I hear hesitation then a quiet, desperate question - “You said weed?”
NO Wii – Wii; the fricken games console...aaaarrrrggghhhh.
But really, for several minutes several nice, liberal-minded, people who like me, thought I had spent at least one class, perhaps only (a somewhat mitigating) twenty minutes thereof, sitting about, possibly in beanbags, surrounded by dirty bongs, getting riotously stoned.
They believed it was possibly true.!!!
What (maybe don't answer this question) does this say about me?


  1. I suppose at least they did not think you meant wee as in pee. That would make an interesting tournament to conduct in class.

  2. To be honest, that's what I initally thought they did think I had meant. Though I guess technically any competition of school between young men is in fact a pissing contest - so not far from the truth...

  3. 3rd paragraph. Ones should be one's.

  4. What's would a weed tournament anyway be anyway?